bad dream and weird mood

I very rarely remember my dreams. The few that I do remember are ones where I get woken up in the middle of the dream.

This morning I woke up in the middle of a very bad dream. I was sobbing and tears were running down my face.

I was at a party at a good friend's house. My former friend was there. I had known that he might be there, as the party was at the house of a mutual friend, but I had wanted to see my other friends more than I wanted to avoid him.

So there he was, talking to me and following me around to talk to me some more, and even trying to give me a hug, and all I wanted to do was  . He wasn't doing anything wrong (at that point in time anyway - he's done plenty of truly rotten things otherwise) - but he was up to his usual crap of pretending that nothing bad has happened, and that everything is just hunky dory and that if anything is wrong it is somehow all my fault and what could he have ever done that's bad anyway?

I walked out of my friend's house, hopped into my Jeep and drove away. I couldn't take him. His very behavior was yet another lie. And I cried my eyes out as I was driving, which is when I woke up.

I'm not sure why I dreamed of this man last night. God knows, I have shed gallons of tears over him and I do not want to shed a single one more. Maybe my dream self was just giving me a reminder that he will never apologize or even awknowledge all of the rotten things he has done and said and all of the lies he has told through either commision or omission? I will never get any closure from him. I will never get an apology from him.  All he will ever give me (if I let him) is more pain and more lies.

What the heck is wrong with someone who acts like that anyway? Why in the world would someone treat another person so badly and then keep acting like nothing at all is wrong?

The saddest thing is that I still care enough about him that if he were to apologize (though it would take a miracle for that to happen) I would probably be willing to try one more time to work things out. I know - I am a very pathetic person.

Anyway, I am in a very weird mood now, probably because of the bad dream. To cheer myself up, I called a few people - ones I know will not lie to me or treat me badly, and who are people who I thought might need some cheering up themselves.That has helped a litttle bit, but not as much as twelve hours of sleep will help if I can find time to slip it in.