Am happy. Just got back from the gardening center where I got two blueberry bushes. I am having wonderful visions of walking out into my yard, picking blueberries, and tossing them right on the top of some yummy vanilla ice cream.  Also picked up a burning bush and snow pea seeds, and some flower seeds and roots.

We went out to lunch after Dan and Steven got back from a wrestling tournament in Ida. It was a good meal, followed by the gardening center, a quick stop at the movie theater to buy tickets to the latest Star Wars movie, and the grocery store.

Tomorrow we will actually plant the bushes, seeds, and roots.

Spending a quiet weekend at home doing housework, and boxing up little kids' videos to send out to my friends in New Mexico, who are in the process of adopting two little brothers (a baby and a toddler). They are things like Whinnie the Pooh, that my children have long since outgrown, and that the two little ones might really enjoy. I have a bunch of sandbox toys and the like as well, which I will mail out there as soon as I gather up some more boxes.

The bulbs in the backyard, which I planted last fall where the grass meets the woods, are are in full bloom now. Lovely daffodills, and pastel yellow Dutch hyacinths, along with pretty blue grape hyacinths. Looks like the deer ate the tulips, though. The grass is also filled with little purple violets, and they are such pretty little things. I shall have to plant more bulbs back there next fall, as they are so pretty.

I am thinking of planting a couple of blueberry bushes. Wouldn't it be fantastic to pick fresh blueberries and throw them right into pancakes, not to mention on top of ice cream? I think I will run to the  lumberyard/superstore as soon as the latest load of laundry is done, and see what I can find. It's also about the right time to plant snow pea seeds, one of my favorite garden treats. They never make it into a stir fry -- Steven and I eat them right off of the vines.

The last couple of days have been sort of weird. Rainy, so most of the snow is gone, other than a pile here and there in a parking lot.

Monday I went out to my Jeep to go to work. I used the fob to unlock the door, climbed in, and then couldn't find the key on my keychain to start the vehicle. I thought I was losing my mind. Bill came driving up, home from school, and he took a look at my keychain and couldn't find the key, either. So he gave me his truck keys and I drove his truck to work.  I called Dan's cell to see if he knew anything about it, and he told me to check the bottom of my purse, that maybe the key had somehow slipped off the ring, and was down in the depths. Sure enough, there it was. Seems mighty suspicious to me.

Last night there was a call-in on midnights, so it was very busy, as we tried to get that person's work done by the end of our shift, as well as our own...I know people will call in, and they have the perfect right to. It's just tiring trying to get the extra work done...

In 31 days I will have my next long weekend from work, and the thought is keeping me going. That's the one where we'll be renting the cabin down in the mountains in eastern Kentucky.

Went down to the French Quarter Holiday Inn in Perrysburg, Ohio, last night. Had a great time swimming in the indoor/outdoor pool and soaking in the hot tub after going in the outdoor part of the pool in the snow. The kids had lots of fun playing ping pong and billiards.

When we got up this morning, it was snowing quite hard )last night it was just sprinkling). There were snowball fights in the outdoor part of the swimming pool.

We ate brunch, then decided to come home rather than go to the Zoo. In the heavy snow, we thought the only animals outside would be polar bears and penguins.

The yard was lovely in the snowfall. The forsynthia bushes were covered with bright yellow flowers and snow. The magnolia tree is covered with huge, pink blooms and several inches of snow. There was a flock of lovely little gold finches at the feeders all day -- we think there were at least 12, but they move around so quickly it is hard to count them.

This afternoon I watched the snow falling and listened to Mahler's Ninth Symphony. It was a lot quiter and more contemplantive than the others of his symphonies I have listened to. He wrote it near the end of his life, and it a quiet acceptance of death, with the end of the music like someone peacefully slipping away...

The take-down tournament was interesting. Wrestling on their feet seemed to wear the kids down a lot more than the usual. I don't know that I have ever seen so many middle school aged kids in tears. Steven was absolutely furious with Dan, as he had to wrestle up in both age (he is 12 and he wrestled the 13-14 years olds) and in weight (10 pounds up). He still came in second, but was so mad he was in tears. Another kid was sobbing, and Dan dumped him on me. I finally figured out that he was hysterical because he was hungry, his parents weren't there, and he had no money to buy any food. I gave him some money, he went and got something to eat, and he was happy for the rest of the night. I actually won the 50/50 raffle. I never win anything. But since it was our tournament, I donated my half of the money (nearly $100). Why couldn't I have won at another school's tournament, so I could keep the money? The pig roast seemed to go well, though it grossed me out that the heads were still on the pigs. Yuck!

I can't wait for tomorrow, and the nice hotel. Swimming in the indoor/outdoor pool while it is snowing should be fun. And the brunch they have there on Sundays is wonderful!

The schedule for the University Musical Society at UM is out for next year. They are the organziation that puts on so many great jazz and classical concerts. They have a lot of great jazz cocnerts on the schedule for next year, even a Christmas concert with Dianne Reeves, and all but one are on the nights I have off from work. I am actually thinking of getting a ticket subscription for the jazz series. That would also enable me to get tickets for the Vienna Philharmonic concert before they go on sale to the general public. I would really like to go hear them, and I know that concert will be sold out rather quickly.

Last night of the work week, and then a three day weekend. Being at work is actually helping with my allergies, as this week my duties have been keeping me in a clean room, with heavily filtered air. So I have been feeling better at work, and worse at home, which is an interesting situation.

Tomorrow we will be helping with a wrestling take-down tournament. I have never been to one, so it should be fun. Rather than trying to pin each other, the kids try to take each other down, and the kids who takes the other one down more times wins the match.

There will be a fund raising dinner afterwards, a pig roast, and we will probably be helping with that as well.

On Saturday we will be going down to the hotel in Perrysbugh, Ohio, where we had our honeymoon. The hotel has a wonderful indoor/outdoor pool, so the kids should have a great time swimming. And on Sunday morning, they have what has to be the best brunch in the state of Ohio. The kids should enjoy that as well.

I've listened to Mahler's Sixth Symphony from Boulez and the Vienna Philharmonic twice now. From the opening notes you just know its going to be dark, deep, and passionate. It tells the story of someone who is fighting the darkness and depression and tragedy of life...and keeps coming back, no matter how how rotten it is...until the final movement when, in concussive blows of passionate music, the person is finally struck down.

Well, with spring comes the pollen, and with pollen comes the allergies, and with allergies comes the not-feeling-so-great. So the last couple of weeks now, I've been getting sinus headaches, sniffles, and have been running a low grade fever (which happens, for God only knows what reason, whenever my allergies really get bad). So I've been spending a lot of time doing quiet indoor things like reading and listening to music.

But after such a long winter, it is too difficult to try to stay inside on warm, sunny days. So I've been taking the dog for walks and sitting outside looking at the flowers. And then I feel sicker.

It's sort of an ugly circle. And claritin doesn't even seem to touch the allergies anymore, though it really helped a few years ago when I started taking it. Benadryl helps, but it makes me too sleepy to be able to work.

I need to move to New Mexico.

The world is filled with quiet miracles. Whenever someone loves another person (whether romantically, platonically, or anywhere on the spectrum in between) -- to me that is a miracle. The laughter of children. The joy of music. A hug on a day when you are feeling down. Walking through a lovely garden filled with flowers and birdsong. Mountains capped with snow.

Loving another person is a miracle. The sun shining on a snow clad mountain is a miracle. A horse running through a field, just for the joy in its own speed and power is a miracle. Music is a miracle. The first few flowers in spring are a miracle. A wonderful story is a miracle.

I grew up in a very unhappy family, with a violent and mentally ill parent. My grandfather was a murderer (he killed someone and was found criminally insane) and while I have no proof, I think he must have done monstrous things to his children. Two of his six children grew up and were child molestors, which indicates to me that he did something to at least those two. So I grew up with a mother who molested me, and abused me physically and emotionally. And I consider myself very lucky to be alive, as she enjoyed killing and hurting pets, which is said to be one of the first signs of a sociopathic killer.

So to me, just being alive is a miracle. All of the beauty of the world is a miracle. Finding kind and caring friends is a miracle. While the world can be a cold and horrible place -- true hell in some places in time and space -- there is so much love and beauty here, too. And that is a miracle.

******************************************************

Our lives are the songs that sing the universe into existence.~David Zindell

 

 

This was a long week. It was so busy at work, and we were shorthanded some of the nights. I've pretty much just been trying to make it through OK. Thank goodness it is now the weekend!

I've been exploring the symphonic works of Gustaf Mahler since hearing his Fifth Symphony at the New York Philharmonic concert a couple of months ago. The Fifth is a wonderful piece of music, possibly my favorite classical piece after some of Beethoven's symphonies. It starts with death and its effects on a loving survivor, moves on into acceptance, and finally back into life and tentative joy. It also has wonderful harp and horn solos.

The First ("Titan") is what I've been compulsively listening again and again to over the last week or so. The version I have is filled with energy, joy, and great hornplaying by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra under Pierre Boulez.

The Second ("Ressurection") is an extremely intense piece of music. While I love it, I can't listen to it very often due to its sheer emotional intensity. Another one dealing with death and its aftermath, though this one deals with the deceased person and what happens to his/her soul.

The Third drove me nuts. The version I have has a rather uneven sound quality. I had tried to listen to it while driving, and even when I turned my stereo up very high, I had to strain to even hear some parts, while being alternately blasted with other parts. I have heard good things about the Bernstein versions, and I think I might try to track one of those down. He certainly did a great job with the Fifth that I have.

I also have the Sixth, which I have been told is even more intense than the Second. It's another from the conductor Boulez, who did such a wonderful job on the First with the CSO. But I've been listening to the First so much, I haven't listened to it yet!

The past two days have been perfect spring days -- clear, crisp, and lovely. Many flowers are blooming now, including the miniature daffodills.

Yesterday I took the kids to lunch at Tios, visited the bookstore, then got ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery.  Today Dan and Steven are off at Airport High School for a wrestling tournament, Bill is out burning leaves in the big metal barrel, and I have been reading the fifth Harry Potter books in between bouts of housework (though I have been going outside with the dog quite often today).

I have now gotten through my Harry Potter reread, something I have been wanting to do ever since I heard that the sixth book will be coming out this summer. I am glad I did this, as it refreshed many things in my mind in preparation for the next book.

Spring is finally and definately here. We have both crocuses and squills blooming now. The crocuses are scattered through the grass in the front yard. I think the squirrels must have dug them up from the flower beds, then inadvertantly replanted them in the grass. I saw the first insects of the year yesterday and today, as well!

Have been spending lots of time with the kids this week since it is their spring break from school. Today I went to the city library with Bill. The last couple of days Steven has insisted on cooking lunch for me, which was a nice surprise.

Work has been very quiet. And that is very good for time change week!!

Things seemed to have worked out with my sisters. They, of course, have their own demons to face, and once they understood that I have not been rejecting them, but just trying to deal with memories of horrible things, they were OK. Things also worked out with the person from Dan's family. Things don't seem to be working out with the dear friend, and that hurts. But at least I know that I did apologize, I did try.

I am so tired that tonight I nearly nodded off at work. Time for bed!!

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Back to Work I go...

These split days off stink. I'm glad I don't have to do this again.

A good friend sent me this link:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/flash/photo/travel/northernlights/movie.htm

It's gorgeous pictures of the Northern Lights, and the fifth one looks like an aurora dragon!!!!

Today is one of the worst days of the year to people who work permanent off-shifts -- the time change, where the clocks are set an hour ahead. Every single person I know who works second or third shift calls this Black Sunday.

It takes a good week to get used to that hour change -- and since this coming week will be my kids' spring break, I am just hoping to get enough sleep just to make it through the week in one piece!

A cold, windy, and cloudy Saturday, more like what we usually see in early March than early April. We just got back from Dan's niece's third birthday party. She is such a cute little kid, and it was a hoot watching the tiny little kids trying to tumble (the party was held at Gym America, a gymnastics training facility).

I had forgotten how unpleasant it is to have split up days off. Usually I feel worn to the bone on Friday (my first day off), but have more energy on Saturday (my second day off). This week I was tired on Thursday, and tired again today. I'm glad I will back to my usual schedule next week.

I have been starting my great Harry Potter reread, as the sixth book will be coming out this summer. No one could find a copy of the third book, though, so I started reading Wicked, the novel that the Broadway play is based on. I was expecting (and wanting) something light and fun, but this is neither. I've only read a few chapters, but am already ready to put it to the side, in favor of something that really is light and fun.