Tuesday, February 27, 2007

still hurt, still sick, etc. etc.

Max seems to be feeling better. He still cannot get up or walk without Dan's help, but he is eating and drinking (in fact, I just gave him a long drink of cold water) and with Dan's help is answering nature's call (in both ways) outside. We hope if we can get him through another week or so, the weather will tilt towards spring from winter, and he will feel better and his foot will heal enough for him to get around on his own, at least a little bit. Today he is more alert - he is raising his head and looking at people - and does not have that desperate and afraid look in his eyes. We have kept him on his sheepskin bed and all wrapped up in blankets, and staying warm like that seems to be helping him. He has both food and water within easy reach of his head. He just has to lean over a bit and it is right there!

Dan checked his caller ID on his cell phone, and it turns out that Bill did try to call him on Sunday night, about the right time to get back to Muncie. We still have not managed to track him down, but we are sure that he is OK and safe.

I am still in pain from the knee. I am still sick as anything from the cold and asthma - the coughing got ugly enough on me tonight late in my shift at work that I had to use my rescue inhaler, and my coworkers were urging me to run upstairs to the ER for a nebulizer treatment.

I am seriously considering cancelling my physical therapy appointment in the morning. It is one of the half hour ones, where you do not get enough done anyway - and right now, getting rest for the lungs seems more important than the knee pain.

The physical therapy is a blessing and a helping - the knee swelling is not as bad now after work, and I have a much greater range of motion (I can get on and off my own socks now!!) - but the asthma is really bad right now.

I am getting a really bad attitude these days - I am sick of being in pain and sick of being sick. I am also sick of talking about being in pain and being sick. So if I do not make any entries for a few days - know that I am still hurt and still sick and sick of myself being hurt and sick on top of it  - and have retreated from the world for a few days as a result!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

and maybe it is NOT the day I have been dreading

Well, Dan said he got Max up enough to be able to drink a little water and go outside for potty purposes. But he is in a lot of discomfort from one of his hind paws. I am not sure whether to be hopeful or not...

No word yet from Bill and he is not answering his cell phone. He has been on the road for over seven hours now...darn the winter storm...

the day I have been dreading

Today is the day I have been dreading. Max cannot get up. Dan and Steven are off at a wrestling tournament in Southgate, and Bill and I together could not get Max up. We have him on a bed of thick towels, wrapped in several blankets. We cannot get him to take either food or water. Max seems to be either afraid or in a lot of pain, and is not even licking people, and he has this terribly unhappy look in his eye.

Dan told me that when he gets home this afternoon, he will pick Max up and take him out to the truck and then he will take him in to the emergency vet on Packard. We are all expecting them to put him to sleep, given his age (he has already outlived his average breed life expectancy by more than a year and a half) and the fact that many elderly labs pass after their hips give out and they just cannot get up anymore.

So when I get home from work tonight...my protector, my little black puppy...he will be gone. Gone. But going by the look in his eye, he is ready. At least he got a lot of time outside the last two days, as it has been warmer - so other than today, he has been very happy right up to the very end.

Ugly winter weather today. On top of being frantic over Max, I also have to worry about Bill driving back to Muncie through the snow and ice. I told him to be very careful today. He is on his way bacl to school now.

He is glad he was here this weekend, so he could say goodbye to Max. He said it is better for him this way, than in finding out through a phone call or an email when he is at class. This way he could hug him and pet him and tell Max that he loves him.

Oh God. Oh God. Facing something like this alone again. Until it is time for work, I will sit with Max and stroke his face and tell him how much he is loved.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

sleepy day

Dan was gone most of the day doing community volunteer work. The kids went to Southgate for a couple of hours this afternoon so Steven could weigh in for a wrestling tournament to be held tomorrow, winter storm permitting (a potentially nasty one could be hitting here tomorrow).

I could not get warm no matter what I did, so spent a good chunk of the day snuggling with Steven's cat Bud under a stack of blankets in the living room. Bud and I were in a sort of sleepy daze.

The kids brought home pizza for a late lunch, so we ate, then I went to bed for a nap. Being in bed finally let me feel warm - or, at least I felt warm when I woke up.

Dan came home and wrapped himself around me, and that was really nice.

Now Dan is cooking up a mess of ribs for dinner, the kids are playing, and I insisted on getting up for a little while.

Man, I was so cold and sleepy today I wasn't even able to read - I simply couldn't concentrate on the story. Is that pathetic or what?

Dan turning 50!

Well, yesterday was the big day. Dan turned 50!

We met for lunch in between my physical therapy appointment and my doctor's appointment. We went to Bennigan's, as they have a pretty decent baked potato soup there, so I could get soup (something I can eat without much trouble) and Dan could get pretty much anything else he wanted - which turned into a huge burger, with a platter of french fries! He wasn't even able to eat the whole thing, and had part of it boxed, and gave it to me, as he was heading in to work, and thought I would be getting home first and could toss it in the frige for him.

Then he headed to work (he had to set up a pump on the flat roof of a commercial building to pump hundreds of gallons of snow melt off the roof where it was pooling thanks to frozen drains) and I headed to the doctor.

I was in there for over 1 1/2 hours. Part of that was for my annual pap & pelvic (where everything looked perfectly healthy - which was a big relief after the DES revelation last month), but most of it was because of this cold. My lungs sounded so bad that at first they thought it might be pneumonia, and were debating whether or not to send me in for chest x-rays. Then the lungs responded well enough to the nebulizer treatment, that they decided that my asthma is completely out of control right now because of the rotten cold I have had. So they put me on flovent and sent me home with instructions to come in immediately if I spike a temp or get even a tiny bit sicker, as this could pretty easily turn into pneumonia. Nice, eh? Especially since I was in there last week and they sent me home without even listening to my lungs, telling me I had a cold and to take it easy and come back in a week if I still felt bad. Sometimes life can be frustrating.

But I was really happy when I got home - Bill was here! He had come home for the weekend to surprise his daddy!

So I changed into my nightgown and dozed on the couch while the kids played Nintendo and laughed.

After awhile Dan came home, unbelievably cold and soaked to the skin from having to deal with the pump and the snow melt. Poor man - what a way to spend your birthday!

After he felt warm again, I got dressed and we all went out to dinner at a little diner near here (Harvest Moon Cafe) with good food, that he really likes. I got chili, which really hit the spot, Steven got chicken fingers, and Dan and Bill got huge sandwiches.

Then we came home and the two old farts retreated to bed, so we can both try to get better from this cold - in bed there is plenty of warmth and rest.

 

Thursday, February 22, 2007

spring is coming

The wind is roaring in the distance like a freight train. The ground is still covered with half a foot of snow. Yet, you can tell - spring is coming! The wind sounds like it is early March; at least half of the snow has melted over the last couple of days. And da boys are down in Lakeland now for spring training camp - yesterday I wore my Detroit Tigers sweatshirt as a sign of hope for spring and baseball and summer nights under the lights at Comerica.

Dan woke me up about 11AM to bring me breakfast in bed. He was very happy. He says it the first time he had seen me sleep deeply and well in over a week - just lying there peacefully without coughing and gagging and gasping for air.  He wanted me to eat and sleep for two more hours after breakfast! "You cannot sleep late tomorrow - you have physical therapy in the morning." But I am awake now; still tired, but better than I have felt in some days.

I still cannot talk, though. Steven does not even bother bringing me the cell phone when it rings anymore - I cannot talk to answer it or to return the calls I have gotten.  Hopefully the people who have left me voice mails can wait until I have a voice again!

Dan said again this morning that he wants no gifts and no cake for his birthday. He only wants me to feel better, to eat lunch with me in between my medical appointments, and to have a peaceful dinner at home. That makes me feel sort of bad - I would love to try to make a big fuss out of him - but it is his birthday, and a landmark birthday, so I will give him as he wishes to the best that I can.

I do not feel up to going in to work tonight; not at all. Not even a little bit. But I will try. It is my Friday - hopefully I can make it there and make it through.

tired tired tired

It was a rough go at work tonight. We got a really super sick patient admitted to one of the intensive care units. It is amazing what one super sick patient can do to the workload! So no nice little chances to sit down and rest whenever needed tonight. Instead, when I would feel weak and dizzy, I would grab the nearest counter top and hang on until the bad bit passed, then hop right back to work. And everyone was in a bad mood- I walked in to one of the day shift people and the supervisor having a big fight (go to the office, people!!!) and things never got much better from there. So it was busy and intense and I really wasn't up to it - though somehow I made it through to the end of my shift, coughing up bloody goo periodically, then scrubbing down everything around me with 70% isopropyl alcohol. At least the stupid knee isn't too bad yet!

I was exhausted going in - it was hard staying awake to drive - it was really really bad driving home in the heavy fog. The fog is not freezing yet - that is probably what saved me!

Got home, fed the dog and cats, made myself eat a light dinner and drink some water (it is forcing myself, to either eat or drink, given how raw my throat is these days - I have not been able to talk for over a week now!), took a long and hot shower, now I will get to go join Dan in bed.

Tomorrow might be rough again, depending on how that one poor patient is doing. But it is only one more night, then I will have two days off.

I asked Dan again what he wants for his birthday on Friday; again, all he wants is for me to feel better! I asked him what he wants to do on his birthday. He wants to meet for lunch in the gap between my physical therapy and doctor's office appointments, and later have a quiet dinner at home (mention was made of ordering salad and pizza and garlic bread).

Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be crazy again. Heavy fog tonight, which might turn into freezing fog again by morning. Possible freezing drizzle in the early morning. Snow showers later, with a 40MPH wind. I hope we keep our power! The last thing we need right now is to have to mess around with that generator to keep the furnace going.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

crazy winter weather

The weather has been Michigan weird the last couple of days. Yesterday it got warm - warm enough to go out without a coat! It must have been close to ten degrees above freezing. I think it must have been the first time it made it above freezing in probably close to a month. Some of the snow melted - it is down to ankle deep now. But while driving home from work I noticed how foggy it had gotten from the snow melting. And it must have gotten cold overnight, as this morning the world was wrapped in freezing fog and the coat of ice it left in its wake. I just let the dog out, and the temperature is cold again - freezing, if that. Tomorrow it is supposed to snow, then warm up and possibly even have a thunderstorm over the weekend. Well, they have always said that in this state, if you do not like the weather, wait five minutes and it will change!

I am very tired today, and still coughing a lot. I made it through work to the end last night - hopefully I can do the same today. I should leave early to go buy the ankle weights I need to rehab the knee, but I just do not have it in me to do so today. Today it is all I can handle to make myself eat and breath and try to get into work.

Steven and I read the graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller today. It tells of the Spartans holding off the Persians at the Hot Gates, one of the great pivot points of world history. The art is stunning. I would really like to go see the film when it is released in the spring.

Dan will have his fiftieth birthday on Friday. I will spend his birthday going to physical therapy and then to the doctor's office. I asked him what he wants for his birthday, and he says the only thing he wants in the world is for me to feel better, which is very sweet. Hopefully I will be up to going out to dinner with him, at the very least! He does not like big deals being made of his birthday anyway, and he has been dreading the big five-o for months now, if not years...

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

darn it all!

Work is going well. Tonight I have the closest thing we have to a light duty job, so I am hanging in there well.

But everyone keeps trying to cheer me up because I am so sick. The laughter is welcome, but it might kill me! Darned asthma.

still sick but hopefully on the mend

Still sick, but hopefully on the mend. The last two days I have only coughed up the nasty bloody crap first thing in the morning. I had started coughing it up last week, sometimes several times daily. I know it sounds disgusting, but I was able to breathe for an hour or so after coughing up several large chunks, and breathing is a very good thing! I still cannot talk; my knee hurts like heck from physical therapy this morning, but the therapist said it is the best she has seen it (probably from the four days of bed rest) so they did not have to do the odd thing running the electrical current through the muscles - they were able to start me on strength training today.

We did not go to the play on Sunday; I told Dan that if I was OK to go to the grocery store that morning, I would go to the play that afternoon. Going to the grocery store made me feel dizzy and weak like I was in serious danger of passing out cold; I came home and slept next to Dan for several hours rather than going to the play.

I will try to go to work tonight. It is only a three night work week, thanks to the long weekend. I can certainly try to go in to work, knowing it will only be three nights!

I hate having fevers; one of the nights I was running a high fever a little voice said to me:

Tonight is the turning point. You are getting a secondary infection and your body is trying to decide whether to keep fighting or whether to let you finally rest.

Why does crap like that always happen in the middle of the night when no one else is awake or around?

I thought long and hard about my life. I remembered horrible things that people have done to me - giving pain with no regret or remorse. Some people are just crap sometimes! My mother - who emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me. Mr Grinch, who I had thought was a friend while he was using me and thought me worthless. I realized that it is possible for one person to hurt another one so much emotionally that it can literally kill them. I thought of possibly never being able to be completely pain free again, or move freely and easily because of the messed up knee. I thought of the winter's cold, and how cruel and cold people can be to each other - monsters in the form of men and women.

Then I thought of beauty - the Grand Canyon at sunrise. True friends like Danlo and Fisty, my heart brothers. Friends I get to see much more often than those two, my sisters. My dear friend John out in Vegas. Dan, holding me and snuggling with me whenever he can. Watching the fishing boats come into harbor in the evening off the sea cliffs in Maine. And my children, how young Steven still is. How much I would like to see him graduate from high school, and how much I would like to see Bill graduate from the university. Love. Beauty. Joy.

Versus ugliness, cruelty, pain.

In the middle of the night - alone - hurt, sick, afraid.

I chose my children, my friends - that even with the cruelty and pain that love and beauty are worth sticking around.

And the little voice said

Let it be so.

And in the morning I got up, put my head in a steam tent and forced myself to cough up all sorts of bloody goo, then forced myself to eat the first real meal I had eaten in days.

 

Saturday, February 17, 2007

recent reads

One good thing about being sick and hurt is that you have a lot of reading time on your hands!

THE CHARMED SPHERE by Catherine Asaro is the first fantasy novel by this former rocket scientist and current science fiction writer. Aronsdale is a little country without particular wealth or renown, but where the people lead peaceful lives with plenty to eat and comfortable places to live, as well as holding gainful employment from agriculture and crafts. It is a quiet and very pleasant place to live. But it is a land facing the greatest challenge in decades as a neighboring country views it with conquest in mind following the death of its long time king. Both royal princes feel truly unfit to rule - and they both have good reason for their crippling self doubts. In the tradition of the land, the royal family members marry the most powerful appropriate age/sex mages that can be found - and both of the young princesses (though showing great promise) are country girls, just learning their magecraft, and very inexperienced. They each also feel unfit to be leaders! Even the army is inexperienced and in need of training, not having seen a real battle in decades. But somehow the two young royal couples and their advisors must find a way to defend this precious, peaceful, and endangered place from an ambitious neighboring king who views Aronsdale as a first step towards building an empire, and from his mad and very powerful mage.

THE HORSE GODDESS by Morgan Llywelyn tells the story of a Celtic girl who lived in the Austrian Alps at about the time of the rise of Athens. Epona is the daughter of a Chief and can reach out to the tribe's ponies with her mind. But she hates and fears the tribe's Druid, and does not wish to be trained as a Druid herself. When she is about to be forced to begin the Druid training against her will, she takes the opportunity to run away with some traders belonging to the Scythian people, and is taken to the steppes of Asia. There, among the horse people, her horse magic begins a legend that will result with her being identified as a goddess of horses. Well written and interesting historical fantasy.

THE PRINCE OF ILL LUCK by Susan Dexter is the first book of The Warhorse of Esdragon Trilogy. The favorite mare of a horse crazy Duke will not allow any stallion to mate with her. A wizard coaxes the winds to take on the form of a stallion and impregnate the mare. The resulting foal is named Valadan - a coal black immortal stallion with the speed and endurance of the wind, the intelligence of a human, and the ability to mind speak with his bonded riders. The colt is stolen from the Duke, and ends up running with the deer in the wilds. There he is found by a shipwrecked young Prince of the Isles named Leith. Leith is famed for having the worst luck in the world, and for bringing that luck with him to his companions wherever he goes. The story tells of how Leith, with the help of Valadan, wins the hand of a princess and tries to get the bad luck curse on his life lifted. Unfortunately, the story, while fun, was sort of ruined for me with the character of the princess - the worst example of the stereotyped headstrong and bitchy fantasy princess I have ever run into. Yuck. I still liked Valadan and Leith quite a bit, though!

THE WIND WITCH by Susan Dexter is the second book in The Warhorse of Esdragon Trilogy. It is two generations following Prince Leith and his mean wife, the Duchess Kess. Their granddaughter, a younger daughter of a younger son, has spent her life being a dutiful daughter and a dutiful wife (though her barrenness runs like an open sore through her heart). The one joy of her life is the black stallion Valadan, who bonded to her when she was a child. Now the widow of a landed farmer, Druyan wishes only to free hold her late husband's farm for a year and a day so that she can own it in her own name and not be forced to remarry by her family. But the land of Esdragon is under attack from Viking-like raiders from the sea, and in the lack of leadership from an incompetent and foolish Duke, Esdragon needs a hero - even if that hero is a widowed and barren weather working witch who does not feel capable of being a hero!

THE TRUE KNIGHT by Susan Dexter is the third book in the Warhorse of Esdragon Trilogy. Titch has trained his entire life in hopes of being a knight like his late father. In his first challenge, he meets a wondrous black stallion who he immediately knows he cannot live without. Wren is a mage's apprentice, without any memories of her life before the point where the mage pulled an otter out of his fish trap - an otter who became a girl when she tumbled out on dry land. The two young people are forced to go on a dangerous quest by a mad queen - to find that queen's son, enscorcelled into the shape of a swan. But finding theenchanted prince in the huge flocks of wild swans will prove to be the easiest and least dangerous of their challenges...

HORSE PASSAGES by Jennifer Macaire is a young adult science fiction novel.  Travelers from Earth long ago found a haven world in the galaxy, complete with herds of horses which have the ability to open gates between worlds. A society grows up with hereditary herders who tend to the herds of horses, who map the new worlds the horses open up for mankind. But humans are not alone in this galaxy - there is a species of pirate-like Raiders who carry off horses and herders alike, who are never seen again. Twin herders Carl and Meegan Cadet travel with their herd of gray horses through the worlds. They lost the rest of their family to Raiders long ago, and both still carry emotional damage from that great loss. When further tragedy strikes the Cadets, they will be sorely tested. Beautifully written novel that I will pass on to my younger son - I think he will love it!

THE CAT WHO HAD 60 WHISKERS by Lilian Jackson Braun is the latest in her Cat Who mystery series, which has something like thirty books in it now. The author of this series is now in her mid-nineties, and still producing a novel a year - which is completely amazing! Her age does show a bit, in that the plot is not quite as tightly woven as in books past, but still! I also give this author credit in that she never minds eliminating an important character (as she does in this book) or making a huge change (as she does in this book) in locale or setting. A couple of big surprises will be in store for long time readers in this installment.

THE BOOKSELLER OF KABUL by Asne Seierstad is a book written by a Norwegian journalist who was allowed to live with a family in Afghanistan for some months and given permission to write about the lives of the family members. As a woman, she was allowed to see a side of life in that very war torn country that not many get a glimpse of - that of the daily lives of Afghani women. She both accompanied the patriarch on business trips and the women to the markets (dressed in a burka). The result is a fascinating look at a family which has one foot in the modern world - the patriarch values books more than anything in the world and kept books available in Kabul, despite both the Communists and Taliban burning his stock. But at the same time, it is a very traditional family, where the women are held in little value, and where father's word is law. The plight of the women is heartbreaking.

BY SLANDROUS TONGUES by Mercedes Lackey and Roberta Gellis is the third book in a fantasy series which began with This Scepter'd Isle and Ill Met by Moonlight. The elves of Britain have seen various futures following the death of Henry VIII - most of them involving a time of absolute misery under his daughter Mary and a time of great joy under his daughter Elizabeth. The dark elves, who feed from hatred and pain and fear, cannot wait for Mary to rule, and want to stop Elizabeth from ever ruling. The bright elves, who feed from love and joy, wish to protect Elizabeth. Henry VIII has passed away now, and his young son is on the throne. The visions of Mary and Elizabeth remain, as well as a new vision - a flickering view of a sad and tragic young girl briefly taking the throne. The dark Court, forbidden by King Oberon to harm Elizabeth directly, decide to take a new path - killing her Bright Court protectors, and destroying her with gossip and slander in the human world. But her protectors might not be so easy to slay - and Elizabeth does not prove to be easy prey for the enspelled ladies' man (and her stepfather) - Thomas Seymour.

THE AMERICAN PLAGUE by Molly Caldwell Crosby tells of Yellow Fever, and how it has formed American history. The first section of the book tells of a great epidemic in the Mississippi Valley in 1878 which made some 200,000 people sick and killed so many people in Memphis alone that only that city's death toll was greater than that of the San Francisco Earthquake, the Chicago Fire, and the Johnstown Flood combined. The slow Federal response infuriated many, and caused confidence in the government and its ability to handle a crisis to plunge. The epidemic was the Katrina of its day - a natural horror compounded by bungling and slow bureaucracy. The second section of the book tells of Walter Reed and the brave medical crew he led in their efforts to find the source of transmission of the dreaded disease, which is thought to have killed some 500,000 Americans alone from the time the  slave ships brought it from Africa to the year 1900. Interesting, though very grim, stuff.

HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR by Jim Squires is the story of Kentucky Derby winner Monarchos, by the man who bred him. Race horse breeding is both fascinating - in that even a very small farm like Two Bucks can breed a champion - and heart breaking with events like the death of a long awaited and prized foal or in the forced sale of a cherished horse in order to keep the rest of the horses in feed for another year.

 

still sick...

Yesterday I took it really easy. I did start to feel a bit better - the cough seemed to actually do some good, and the stuff in my throat and lungs started breaking up and coming out. So I could breathe better, which helped me feel better in general. No fever. Still sick as heck, but was able to get in my physical therapy exercises (which I had not been able to do for two days) though they made me feel like I was bringing up a lung from the coughing fits they produced. And I did start taking the diuretic yesterday. And that was not so bad at all. I had been afraid it would make me feel like peeing every twenty minutes, like in the last trimester of pregnancy. Instead I did not have to pee more frequently at all - I just peed a lot more when the time came! That is fine - I can live with that quite easily!

Yesterday was a lovely sunny winter day. I took a long nap in the afternoon, bathed in sunshine.

Today it is cold and cloudy and it has been lightly snowing all day long. So it is sort of dismal out there. The snow is above the poor old dog's knees now, and he just goes a few feet from the back door, does his business, and immediately returns inside. I am worried if he goes to far out in the yard that he will not able to get back inside, and I do not know if I can carry him back by myself with this messed up knee (especially as it would be uphill). If either Steven or Dan were home, they could do it - but today they are off at a charity wrestling tournament (to raise money for a family whose house burned down) so it could be really bad if Max goes too far from the house today.

I need to finish this up (along with the recent reads list), go do my first set of exercises, then take a nap!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

I have lost a day of my life...

Last weekend I started coming down with the symptoms of the bad cold that Steven and Dan have had lately. On Tuesday night, they started getting really bad. And since my bad knee was swollen up to twice the size of the not-bad knee, I decided to come on home in the near-blizzard we were having that night.

All day yesterday is just a blur of impressions. I know I did not go to work (hopefully I remembered to call in sick!). I can remember napping in bed in the afternoon, asleep in a pool of sunlight. I can remember trying to do my physical therapy exercises and not being able to, as the cold has my asthma going. I remember Dan bringing home some flowers. I was lost in a fog of fever from Tuesday night until I woke up this morning with a much clearer head. One good thing I can remember is that my knee did not hurt yesterday - since my entire body ached from head to toe from the high fever, the knee pain was swallowed up in the rest!

I also missed most of the bad storm, with all of the snow and winds. Other than driving home in the winds and driving snow Tuesday night, I must have slept through the rest of it.

I was really surprised driving to the doctor's office this morning, at how much snow and ice is still in the road, and that they were still pulling cars out of ditches this morning from a Tuesday night storm!

I am going to try to go into work tonight, as I am no longer running a fever. We will see. Then I will have four days off, with near complete bed rest for three of those days! We might or might not see the play we have tickets for on Sunday - as I told Dan, if I am still coughing nonstop it would not be fair for the cast or the rest of the audience for me to attend. We will see.

They started me on a mild diuretic (hydrochlorothiazide, better known as HCTZ) today for mild high blood pressure. They found that when I went in for the bad knee. I feel as though my entire body is falling apart right now between the knee, this horrible cold, and now the blood pressure thing. I will not start taking the pills until tomorrow when I do not have to go to work. I do not know how much they will make me pee, so starting them on day one of a four day weekend sounds like a pretty good idea!

Steven is doing great - I think he is pretty well recovered from the cold. Dan is still all snorts and sniffs and coughs and snores. I think I will be sleeping in Bill's room for the next couple of nights, just so that we do not keep each awake all night again with the sounds of respiratory distress.

Monday, February 12, 2007

snow day!

Today I was supposed to have physical therapy at 8AM. Yes, this is after working until midnight last night. Those 8AM appointments are tough on me - I feel really bad for the rest of the day afterward, just tired and completely out of it, due to lack of sleep. Dan knows how rough they are, so is kind enough to drive me both ways on those really early mornings - he does not want me to fall asleep while driving! And it is a true kindness on his part - I cannot give him enough praise on how supportive he has been in these trying times!

This morning, though, I got a reprieve. They called at 7AM to say that my therapist was sick, and not to come in. I felt like a little kid getting a snow day from school! A gift! Sure, the homework will still come due - but not today! I immediately got undressed and went back to bed, where I got two more hours of delicious sleep!

We are getting a little snow today, supposedly from 2-4 inches. We already have at least two tight now. Tomorrow we are supposed to get more - anywhere from 4-8 inches. But the terrible cold has broken, so it will all be OK. It is still hovering just above zero (Fahrenheit) at night, but during the day it is only about ten degrees below freezing, so it is a lot better.

I am just very happy I do not live in upstate New York - I cannot even imagine what 10 feet of snow in seven days would look like, much less to live in that. What would you do with the snow when you clear your sidewalk and your driveway? Where do they put that much snow when they clear the roads? How are they keeping the roofs of the houses and businesses from collapsing? How do you see if there is any oncoming traffic when you come up to an intersection? What a nightmare! I feel really bad about what those people must be going through right now. And I am human enough to be glad that it has not snowed like that here!

Well, no physical therapy until Thursday now. And I have a four day weekend from work coming up! That is a gift! No plans other than going to a play and dinner with Dan on Sunday, and taking in the Jeep for some recall work on Friday. I should actually call and see if I can get an eye doctor appointment for next Monday. I am really looking forward to getting new glasses!

champagne for breakfast

Saturday morning we got up early and headed down to Toledo. The tournament was in this warehouse sort of area downtown, in part of something called the Erie Street Market. Weirdest place I have ever seen a wrestling tournament held, but it was nice visiting the Libbey Glass Outlet store and getting hot chai latte at the little coffee place in the antique mall.

Dan and I headed out for what was supposed to be a couple of hours and turned into about four hours to my friend's house. It was about a ten minute drive.

It was wonderful seeing him and his wife again. The food was good - one of their hobbies is gourmet cooking - the company was wonderful, and the first time in my life I experienced the decadence of drinking champagne for breakfast! I told Dan that if we ever both have the day off from work and the kids are both out of the house we shall have to do that at home one morning - bring out the fine china and crystal, cook delicious food for each other - drink champagne, and spend the rest of the day relaxing alone together.

It was wonderful seeing John and Barb again! I wish that there was some way he could transfer back here from Vegas!

The tournament took a long time once we returned there. We got home long after dark, and my knee ached. Steven did well, though - he came in fourth and beat some very high quality kids to do so. The only two kids who beat him were both on Team Ohio, who represent their state in national championships, so there is certainly no shame in those losses - and he lost by a small number of points in those two matches, too.

When we got home, one of Steven's friends came over for the night. I stayed up sort of late so I could get in both sets of exercises. I am determined to make the pain stop - or at least to minimize it!

Friday, February 9, 2007

needed badly: a long nap!

Got up fairly early this morning to make sure I was awake enough to drive to physical therapy. This was after a rough night for the knee - end of the week so it was very swollen and painful (making it hard to go to sleep). I had stepped funny a couple of times last night and had to bite back screams all three times. Bad way for the week to end! Dan was kind enough to take Steven in to his doctor appointment, so at least I was spared getting up super early!

Anyway, had to wake up sort of early for physical therapy, went to physical therapy where they did funky things with electricity again, then Dan wanted to meet me for lunch in Ann Arbor. Went to lunch, then came home and then I had to run Steven to wrestling practice right away. Then it was time for grocery shopping. I am almost done bringing the groceries into the house - I cannot stand the thought of going up the stairs again for a few minutes, and all that is left does not need to be refrigerated.

I am really tired! I need a nap! I have not even done my first set of exercises yet today, so that will come next after the groceries - and by that time Steven and Dan will be home, and I will not be able to take the nap.

Ah well. Perhaps I can go to bed really early instead! Especially since I have to get up really really early tomorrow!

The brunch will be great tomorrow morning - and I will also get to see Steven wrestle in a big tournament, also in Toledo. We will go to the tournament, and leave for an hour or so to go to the brunch.

I think that tomorrow will kill my knee - but seeing my dear friend for the first time since June will be well worth it!

Thursday, February 8, 2007

electrical current

Yesterday they did weird and interesting things to me at physical therapy. They ran an electrical current through one of the muscles in my leg to stimulate it. It felt like a river of ants running up and down a line under my skin. It was not painful, but was unpleasant. Lots of exercises - the ones I do at home are the same, but with more repetitions. And yes - I am performing them faithfully! I want the pain to go away!

My life seems to revolve around exercise, home schooling Steven, physical therapy, and work these days...

Tomorrow I will have the day off from work, thank goodness! Steven has to go in to the doctor at 8AM; I have physical therapy in the late morning. Then I will run some errands (grocery shopping) and then rest in between sets of exercises.

Saturday will be the brunch with my dear friend who moved to Vegas last June. That is something I am really looking forward to!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

WHAT TAROT CARD ARE YOU?

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Monday, February 5, 2007

recent reads

THE BONEHUNTERS by Steven Erikson is the sixth huge novel in his fantasy series Tales of the Malazan Book of the Fallen. I thought this one was a big improvement over the bloated fifth book. The action begins right after the end of the events of the fourth book, House of Chains, and we are back in the lands of the Malazan Empire. The Malaz Fourteenth Army is in pursuit of the last remnants of the rebel forces in the desert subcontinent called the Seven Cities. Karsa Orlong, coolest badass in the history of fantasy, has not only discovered that he has a good mind and heart - but he also discovers a personal need to become a champion for the underdog. The dread Chained God has been granted a place in the Pantheon, and the gods are deciding to choose their sides in the upcoming war - and pity all of the poor mortals who might get in the way! And the Malaz and Lethari empires are beginning to clash along the edges of their spheres of control.

FIRST THEY KILLED MY FATHER: A DAUGHTER OF CAMBODIA REMEMBERS by Loung Ung is the memoir of a woman who was once a victim of the Killing Fields of Cambodia. She was the five year old daughter of a well-off family of a high government official when the Khmer Rouge took over the country. The family did their best to hide in the countryside as peasants, but eventually the truth of the father came out and the members of the large family begin to die one by one. It is amazing that this little girl managed to survive though horror, violence, and starvation - but she did, and came to America as a refugee - still a child in years, but anything but a child in experience. She has become a voice for the victims of genocide, and a leader in the movement against land mines. The brutality she experienced is horrifyingly painful to read about - but the fact that she has survived and has turned her passion into a burning need to help others also is a sign of hope for the human race.

HARROWING THE DRAGON by Patricia A. McKillip is an excellent short story collection by a fantasy Grand Master. Some of the stories are serious, some humorous - none are quite what you would expect. All are elegantly told and rich with meaning. I especially enjoyed A Troll and Two Roses, A Matter of Music, and The Fellowship of the Dragon.

POEMS, PROTEST, AND A DREAM by Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz is a collection of writings from one of Mexico's first great poets and playwrights, who lived way back in the 1600's. Hers are some of the first feminist writings to come from the Western European tradition, as she passionately defends her right to study, learn, teach, and write when attacked by upperlings in the Church. Of particular interest was a short play where she compares the indigenous Aztec religion with Catholicism.

THE KITE RUNNER by Khaled Hosseini is a very powerful novel set in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and America. Amir is the son of a rich merchant of Kabul, born in the last days of the kingdom, a time of relative peace. He lives with his father, and his father's lifelong servant, Ali, and that servant's son, Hassan - born not long after Amir, and his milk brother, as both boys lost their mothers and shared a wet nurse. The novel centers around the relationships between Amir and his father and between Amir and Hassan. The themes of the book are dealing with violence and tragedy, survivor's guilt and being too hard on yourself - and in facing down your demons of memories and guilt and insecurity and fear. In becoming good again and making restitution for crimes and sins and errors of the past. Parts of the book are very painful - but the story ends with a huge note of hope that things can change, that things can become better - that you can, in fact, become good again.

ROMA ETERNA by Robert Silverberg is a science fiction/fantasy novel set on an Earth where Rome never fell. A set of short stories that tell of key moments of the history of this Rome or tell of the lives of individual Romans, or gives a taste of what it was like living there. The stories begin at about the year AD 450 (our time) and end with the beginning of the space age (about AD 1970 our time) and deal with such topics as the discovery of the New World, the competition between the Western and Eastern Empires, and how Rome dealt with a certain very powerful and charismatic religious leader in Mecca...right on up to the first manned space flight.

THE GRAND SOPHY by Georgette Heyer is a Regency romance and one of the funnest and most charming books I have ever read. Sophy is bright, vibrant, and charming - and she knows what is best for others and goes about getting that best for them in very unorthodox ways. When she is sent to live with the stuffy family of her aunt in England by her diplomat father when he is posted to Brazil, she cheerfully turns their lives upside down and they do not know what hit them. Absolutelyadorable story!

like living in the Arctic!

Oh, it is so cold outside! The high today will be just over zero Fahrenheit, and the wind chill is something like twenty below! It is really hurting the poor old doggy - I hope he can survive this week! Poor old Max can hardly walk when he goes outside, as the snow and cold hurt his poor feet and legs so much. I do not even want to think about how cold it will be once the sun goes down tonight! or think about how much it will hurt the poor old dog!

Dan will be driving my Jeep today, dropping me off and picking me up from work. He has to go to a meeting up in Flint tonight, and does not want to risk breaking down in his old truck in this cold in such a rough place. It is fine with me, as I do not want him breaking down in his old truck in Flint, either!

Still in low grade constant pain, though I have been very faithful in doing the exercises. According to the physical therapist, there were signs of early arthritis that showed up in the x-rays. Maybe I will be in low grade pain for the rest of my life, even after the injury to the ligament has healed. Now - that is a depressing thought. But low grade pain I can handle - the horrible and nearly crippling pain of two weeks ago I cannot handle.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Super Bowl Sunday

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. To me the Super Bowl exemplifies some of the worst things in American culture. The extreme and unrelenting hype. The extraordinary amounts of prestige and money showered over something that doesn't really contribute anything to anyone of any true importance. I mean - can you imagine how much good the money people throw away on this crappy day could do if it was spent on HIV education and prevention in Africa? If it were spent on taking care of orphans in Afghanistan? If it were spent on rebuilding our own crumbling roads and inner cities where so many people are cold and hungry? How many teachers could the money from the salaries of these football players and coaches pay? How many doctors and nurses could all of that money educate? How many coats and mittens could that money buy for cold little children?

And it is all thrown away on one stupid football game.

Yes - I know. I am a sports fan myself, and love my Red Wings and Tigers. So I am being something of a hypocrite here.

But still....how many meals for the poor could the advertising budget for the Super Bowl ads alone buy?

How can peoples' priorities (including my own) get so screwed up about sports - when so many people are living on the streets and jobs are lost everyday in this area? Granted, we are quite likely the most economically depressed area of the entire country right now, but still...

Now I am depressing myself.

It is really cold today. The kind of cold where the air is sucked out of your lungs when you stick your face out the door. Heart of the winter, baby!

Dan and Steven are up at a wrestling tournament in Hartland. Bill is doing his laundry. Dan took my Jeep rather than his old truck, so Bill will drop me off at work on his way back to Muncie, and Dan will pick me up at midnight.

I am faithfully doing my physical therapy exercises. In fact, I am holding them longer than what they told me, and am sneaking in extra repetitions. I want the pain to go away.

I have always heard that in the leg injuries to horses, you can find them by feeling up and down the hurt leg, and pinpointing the injury by finding the hot and puffy place. I did not know that the same is true about human leg injuries until yesterday morning. The general swelling in the knee must have gone down to the point where you can now feel only the injured area - a line on the inner side of the cap - and yes, it is hot to the touch!

And starting tonight I get to walk around on the bloody thing for eight hours a night for five nights in a row. Let us hope I do not end up really bad again!

I will be seeing the physical therapist again on Wednesday morning. Let us hope the knee looks better!

 

 

Saturday, February 3, 2007

no concert last night due to a wonderful surprise!

We ended up not going to the concert last night. Now, you guys know that I live for live music - but something much much much better happened!

Bill came home yesterday evening for the weekend! He had not warned us he was going to come home, so it was a complete surprise!

Needless to say, being at home with our son was more important than going to a concert, so stay home we did.

Right now Bill and Steve are upstairs, laughing their heads off. Music to my ears!

And the best thing that could have happened to my spirits!

Friday, February 2, 2007

doing better? please? please?

The knee is feeling a bit better today (as it is only a little pain as opposed to agonizing pain). No work, and Dan took it upon himself this morning to run my two errands for me (he claimed he was going right by the two places I needed to go anyway). So this enabled me to have plenty of rest (as well as having plenty of time to do my PT exercises). The rest is probably why the pain is down to a dull and constant ache. But I can live with the ache! Ache is much better than stabbing pains! Or constant extreme pain! Ache is good!

We will be going to the classical concert tonight, but quite likely not the following jazz concert. Poor Dan is just worn out from all of the extra hours the past week or so from snow removal. It would be cruel to him to keep him out so late!

Detroit evening clothing for the coldest night of the winter thus far (thirty or so degrees below freezing with snow flurries):

top half: bra, cami, tank top, long sleeved and turtle necked dress made of very warm material, coat, gloves, hat, hood, scarf

bottom half: panties, skin tight leggings (light brown, about the  color of nylons - think really thick tights without the foot part), half slip, skirt of the longish dress (well down on the calves), wooly warm socks, hiking boots

Not quite cold enough for long underwear, thank God! It's not quite in the negatives (Farenheit) yet (though quickly getting there, and will be there later this weekend) so I can skip that layer!

The coat, hood, gloves, scarf, and hat will be removed in the concert hall and at dinner. To avoid horrible hat hair, I will pile my hair on top of my head in some sort of bun.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

very grouchy

Hanging in there. Still in pain. Still grouchy and very anti-social. I do not want to see or talk to anyone but Dan and/or my sons.

Physical therapy started yesterday. I am very faithful thus far in performing the prescribed exercises. I want to feel better. The exercises are designed to make the muscles in my butt and hip and thighs areas stronger, to counteract the bad knee.

One more night at work, then I can rest the knee. Steven and I are planning a movie day on Saturday. Tomorrow I have to run a couple of errands, and then the concert in the evening, so I am unsure of how much actual rest I will be able to get.

It is very cold. The highs are more than twenty degrees below freezing - and it will be even colder over the weekend. On Sunday the high will be about thirty degrees below freezing.

We are in the heart of the winter now.