Well, one down and two (perhaps more after I give things more thought) to go. The first person's response, though probably perfectly civil in his eyes, just told me that I actually and definately made the absolutely right decision in December in not wanting to know him anymore. People who are cruel and don't even realize it, people who admit to using their "friends" for casual entertainment and not seeing anything wrong with that are just not good people to try to have friendships with. I will always be glad that I knew him, though. He brought a great deal of much needed laughter into my life. I will always cherish that, and the memories of smiles and laughter.  So in this case, the withdrawing was actually the right thing to do, amazingly enough.

As with all things in life, I tend to take friendship very seriously. I have always found it difficult to trust people, and when I find people that I can trust (or feel that I can trust), I give my heart and caring as well. It is just mind boggling to me to use someone you consider to be a friend for casual entertainment.. Friends are the people you commit yourself to, and who commit themselves to you  -- out of caring, not out of blood ties. Friends, the people who freely love you, are one of the greatest treasures you can ever have in this world. They deserve the best you can give them (though admittedly, at different places in your life you might be more capable of giving than others), and that does not include being used.

Man, I hate it when people live down to your worst expectations rather than up to your highest ones.

Well, my adventures in pushing myself out of the comfort zone of hiding away from the world and all of its pain will continue tomorrow...

 

 

"I Will Remember You"

 

(by sarah mclachlan, seamus egan, and dave merenda)

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

Louis Armstrong "What a Wonderful World"

I see trees of green........ red roses too
I see ’em bloom..... for me and for you
And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue..... clouds of white
Bright blessed days....dark sacred nights
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world.

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are also on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin’.. how do you do
They’re really sayin’......i love you.

I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more.....than I’ll never know
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world

(instrumental break)

The colors of a rainbow.....so pretty ..in the sky
Are there on the faces.....of people ..going by
I see friends shaking hands.....sayin’.. how do you do
They’re really sayin’...*spoken*(I ....love....you).

I hear babies cry...... I watch them grow
*spoken*(you know their gonna learn
A whole lot more than I’ll never know)
And I think to myself .....what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself .......what a wonderful world.