future plan

On that blessed day when I can leave my job - whether through retirement or winning the lotto - I will wear a t-shirt that says "I see lazy people". Not only will it sum up my feelings for some of my co-workers, it will violate the stupid dress code. It will be a very sweet last day.

Drabble (100 word story)

Driving south on I-77. Stopping for gas in a typical little West Virginia town - a two lane road, railroad track, stream, and small houses in a tiny valley with tree cloaked mountain walls. An acrid scent fills the air.

Memories stir - of chasing ducks in the creek with cousins. A loving uncle's wonderful cornbread baked in an iron skillet. Catching crawdaddies, picking blackberries.Frozen custard. Spring houses. An old gentle mule. Family reunion picnics in the woods by the springs at the top of the hollow. Family. A long vanished slow placed lifestyle.

Childhood memories from the scent of coal.

work: the final destination

hilarious and violent workplace safety video:

autumn rain/zuchini rain

We've been getting rained on by the remains of tropical storm Lee for over a week now. We are not getting the heavy rain or horrible flooding that parts of the east coast states (such as Pennsylvania) are getting, but man it is depressing to have the clouds and chill and rain every day. It is so humid and chilly it just creeps into your bones and joints and makes your body ache! The sun came out for about twenty minutes yesterday and I ran through the house cracking open windows, pulling up the miniblinds, and hopping around with excitement! I opened our patio doors for the cats to sniff the air through the screens, but had to close them again pretty quickly as another band of rain rolled in...

It is also zuchini season in Michigan. That means everyone who grows it in their gardens is looking for victims to dump it on - up to and including sneaking it onto front porches when people are not home!

Now then, I love most vegetables. I even like things many people do not like such as spinach, lima beans, kale, and rutabagas (which are delicious in pasties). But I cannot stand zuchini!

We have been lucky this year. We have been able to escape with only one zuchini dropped off at our house. It was put on top of my husband's truck when we were not home. LOL.

We have been carving off small bits and "hiding" it by putting the bits into spicey Thai stir fry, Hungarian goulash, and other foods which disguise it. I have been tolerating it when well hidden, and feel I deserve brownie points from my doctor for eating this healthy but digusting vegetable.

time for listening bliss

fall is coming

It has been a long hot wet summer. It has been nearly impossible to do anything outside this year, as my days off have been featuring torrential rainfall or ninety plus degree temperatures with high humidity or both. And let's not even discuss the mosquitoes this summer. There are all sorts I have never seen before. There is kind the size of a quarter - the ginormosucker. There is another that is half the size of a normal mosquito but comes at you in clouds and is twice as voracious - and the spray doesn't work on deterring it.

So I am glad autumn is approaching.

Cool temperatures. Low humidity. Skies of a blue you only see in Michigan in the fall. Apples, pears, and peaches. Mums and autumn sedum in bloom. Apple cider and donuts. High school and college football. Marching bands. High School Boys' Soccer. Frosts to kill mosquitoes. Harvest and Hunting Moons bright in the sky. Leaves turning into living jewels fluttering in the breeze. Waterfowl migrations. A world turned to orange and gold with pumpkins and corn shocks in the fields bordered by bright forests.

Beauty.

the worst song EVER

This is the new theme song for my rotten terrible no good job. :-)

been a long time

Life goes onwards.

Yes, I did have severe obstructive sleep apnea and now sleep/try to sleep with a CPAP machine. So I had two completely different and unrelated medical conditions that both cause constant extreme fatigue - the thyroid issues and the sleep apnea. And my endocrinologist suspects that I have lupus, though the test results are mixed.

I feel somewhat better now, but am resigned that I will never feel entirely well again. It has simply been too long.

I will try to be better about posting at least occasionally.

one week

Well there is one week (next Monday) to my second sleep study to be fitted out with a CPAP device, to help my breathing while I sleep.

It has turned out that I had not one but two completely different and unrelated medical conditions that cause exhaustion - the thyroid problems and also severe chronic obstructive sleep apnea.

Hopefully once I get the CPAP, I will turn the corner and start to feel better (for the first time in years).

Here is crossing my fingers and hoping for the best!

bleak Monday

The local news at noon said that the last Monday in January is the most depressing day of the year for most people in the northern US. Cold, dark, spring is still a long time away, and the holiday bills are starting to arrive. We are getting fresh snow on top of all that today.

Maybe that is part of why I am so tired, even though I just had my weekend off.

I think the biggest part of being so tired today is spending the day in Chelsea on Saturday to see Steven wrestle in his first tournament since he had his ribcage injury back in December.

While I will never regret spending time with or for my children, I knew there would be a physical price to be paid for going to Chelsea.

I have been paying it yesterday and today in fatigue.

ugh

Dan suggested that I start documenting how bad I feel all of the time, in case it is ever needed medically or whatever.

Sunday I felt exhausted beyond description. I got up for a couple of hours to eat breakfast, went back to bed. Slept for a while, then lay there for 45 minutes, unable to move because I was so tired. Dragged in to work that afternoon, but accomplished little while there, as I was so tired. Did talk to one of the supervisors about my options for dealing with the constant exhaustion. All of them involve medical excuses from my doctor.

Monday was my day off. So tired I was afraid to drive, for fear of getting into a car wreck. Did drive, to take my younger son to the chiropractor in Saline. Did sort of "wake up" in the car while driving a couple of times, as my mind had wandered off in a tired fog. No accidents, thank God.

Today: slept twelve hours last night. Still not feeling well. Cannot get warm. Took a shower last night before bed not for hygiene but to get warm from the hot water. Still cannot get warm today. Still have the cold I started coming down with two Fridays ago. Blowing lots of green goo out of my nose; have terrible headache. Need a nap, but cannot take one since it is a work night.

still exhausted

I am still exhausted most of the time. It has been over a year since I had to drink the radiation to kill my thyroid, and I still feel like crap most of the time, which is why I do not post very often. Not much point in continually posting that I am tired and feel bad! Not to mention that I really hate complaining and whining.

I am so exhausted most of the time I am approaching wit's end. It seems like all I have energy to do is to drag into work, with little to nothing left over for a personal life. I have to budget my bit of energy - as in OK, if I go to the library and/or grocery store, I will have nothing left to do the laundry...I do not even have the energy to do something as simple as drive up the road a few miles on a day off to watch a movie, much less anything else. My days off are spent sleeping twelve hours, getting up for a couple of hours, taking a nap, getting up for a couple more hours, then going back to bed for the night. And that sucks.

Even though Dan and the kids do a lot to help out, the house is always a mess. I do not have energy to even do simple things like go out for a walk and get some fresh air.

I hate my life right now.

And yes, I still go in for blood draws every six weeks, and they are still working on getting my synthroid levels right.

another year

Turned 45 recently. Spent a quiet day at home with Dan and the kids. We went out to Bone Heads Bar-B-Que restaurant in Willis for dinner, then came home for cake and ice cream.

Pleasant day.

Bill and I had what the doctors think was the swine flu last week. He had it much worse than I did, but we are both doing OK now.

I just had a week off from work, which I spent watching Steven play soccer (he plays varsity for his high school), playing a lot of games on Facebook, running errands, and getting as much rest as humanly possible. Tomorrow is the last day day off, and Dan and I want to go to a park or a botanical garden or arboretum, and go for a walk in the beautiful autumn woods.

autumn daze

It is cold, dark, and rainy today. The power was out for at least a couple of hours this morning, leaving me without lights or running water or heat. Today would be a perfect day to curl up in bed or on the couch with a stack of good books, a bottomless mug of hot chocolate, and a pile of blankets to snuggle underneath.

Alas, tonight is a work day.

thank you Mr. Harwell

How I love this old man. Ernie Harwell, with his class, generosity, humility, and kindness exemplifies what is best about all humanity. God bless you and keep you Ernie. We love you!

brief update

I have not posted here in a while; primarily because I have been so stressed out and exhausted due to my job.

Dan and the kids are doing well, though. School starts next week for the kids, and Steven has been in soccer season for a couple of weeks now, even though school has not started yet.

having been trying to relax

Work is always in such a horrible stressful uproar these days, it has been hard to relax.

I have been trying to watch movies when I wake up in the morning to keep from brooding and feeling bad about work. Yesterday it was Paul Blart, Mall Cop, today it was The Other Boleyn Girl, which was gorgeously filmed, but even more flawed in its history than the book it was based upon. Not sure what it will be tomorrow - perhaps Kung Fu Panda or that musical based on Abba tunes whose title escapes me at the moment.

I hate my job.

talking vacation

We spent nine wonderful days at Muskegon State park, camping out on top of a towering sand dune on the Lake Michigan shore, with a stair case down to miles of private beach. It was too cold to go into the water- the water itself was cold due to it being such a cool summer, and the day time highs were only in the sixties some days when we were there - but ti was still peaceful and beautiful.

It rained two nights and one day while we were there.

Dan and I drove up the coast to Pentwater, Luddington, and Manistee one day, stopping off at farm stands for fresh cherries and blueberries and eating lunch at an outdoor cafe in Pentwater.

Another day we drove down the coast to Grand Haven, and enjoyed lunch there near the beach. The beach was set up for the US Open for beach volleyball, but no one was out because it was raining, cold, and windy.

We cooked over the fire a lot, and had s'mores nearly every night, to the delight of the kids.

One of the cats (Bud) had the time of his life and the other (Matty) hid under blankets in the camper for most of the trip, earning the new nickname of Lumpy - as in lump under the blankets.

It was a wonderful and relaxing time, and I was very sorry to come home and have to go back to stressful nasty work.

I have woken up twice since coming back in the middle of the night, dreaming of being in the camper, and wondering where I am, while lying there in my own bed at home.

On Thursday I had a sick day from work as I went to the endocrinologist in the afternoon. Given the never ending fatigue, it was no surprise that they increased the synthroid dose again.

I hate my job. I hate it so much. After more than twenty years there, I have finally reached my limit on how much crappiness I can stand to take. Given the economy in Michigan right now, though, I have little choice in staying or going.

holy crap

Going from camping on Lake Michigan to that bottomless pit of despair called work tonight was like going from heaven to hell in less than 24 hours. Pray for me and my co-workers - we need it.

vacation at last

About to leave for a camping trip on lake Michigan for the next week. It will be a blessing beyond words, with miles of sandy beach and plenty of relaxation.