When I finally got to bed this morning, Dan was waiting up for me. Guess some unpleasant things cannot be avoided, even if you try. :( A rather intense and ugly conversation followed.
"Where was all of this concern when we drove back from my father's funeral, making it from Nashville to Detroit in 6 hours, stopping once to pee, and not at all for food? Just to make it home in time for a wrestling practice?"
5 minutes of silence.
"You were an after-thought."
You have to at least give the man
credit for honesty, no matter how painful it might be.

The poem about my father finally finshed baking tonight, and came spilling out at work, making me cry. Luckily I was in an area where I am very isolated from other people, so was able to capture it, and cry, without people getting concerned.

The drive home was better tonight, though there was still blowing snow. The police officers warned us about not using the freeway due to black ice, so all went well on the surface roads.
Steven was very tired today and crept into bed next to me and snuggled and slept.
He is such a sweet little guy. And his feet are nearly as big as mine now! Amazing! :)
Dan waited up for me tonight, said he was concerned, but I sent him on to bed. I don't even know how to talk to him anymore, and his way of showing concern usually means stepping and in and taking over whatever he thinks needs taking over. Thanks, but no thanks. :(

The kids are home again today. We got more snow last night and strong winds, and the roads filled in again with blowing snow as fast as they were plowed. In fact, it is still sprinkling now...driving home was another white knuckle drive last night, as you couldn't even see where the road itself was sometimes, much less the lanes.

The snow is deep enough outside that is a hoot watching the squirrels. You can see their tails sticking up, and now and then a little head pop up...

Max enjoys the snow, he hops through it like a rabbit, then hops up to me, grinning ear to ear. The fact that a dog as large as a black lab is having trouble moving through it lets you know how deep it is getting...
Two more work nights this week...hopefully the drives will be a bit better...

Well, we sure got our winter storm. I drove home from work last night in the ice storm...and woke up this morning to several additional inches of snow on the ground to go along with the six inches we had. I think I will have to leave for work a couple of hours early today. Miraculously, after the ice storm we still have power!
The kids do not have school today, and are busy having fun. I woke up to the sounds of playing children, and that is always a joyful thing. :)
I have been thinking a lot about Dad...
I have a poem or two baking away in the back of my brain...one is about how this boy from the misty green mountains tries to deal with warfare in the cold, harsh desert...

Steven left his trophy out for me to see this morning, and it is indeed a bobblehead. Looks just like a regular trophy, but the head bobbles...
The next couple of days the weather is supposed to get pretty wild. Strom #1 is supposed to come through this afternoon, an ice storm with freezing rain. Late tonight/early tomorrow morning storm #2 will come through, with up to eight inches of snow. It is snowing tiny snow pellets right now, looks like a freezing fog sort of thing. Not looking forward to the drive
into work, or home from work today. It's been a long winter...will be glad for spring to arrive this year. :)
Put in all of my vacation requests for the next year last night, for the time off lottery. I have for a serious chunk of time in late June/early July for going to New Mexico and maybe stopping off at my father's house on the way back, long weekends for Labor Day, my birthday, the kids' birthdays, and Dan's birthday. And a long weekend for Thanksgiving. I will hopefully
know what I actually get off by March. I will hopefully be taking off a lot more time next year, the kids' spring break to take them to Washington and Baltimore, and a week for camping in the summer, and a couple of weeks at Christmas (this is my year to work Christamas and New Years). This year I want to save up a bit of time...Holidays I will be working in 2004 include Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Columbus Day, Christmas, and New Years...they already have those figured out...
Oh, the website for that huge prestigious tournament Steven qualified for is at: http://www.ohiotofc.com

According to phone conversations, Steven did quite well today in Ohio. He brought home a medal and a trophy (Dan said it looks like a normal trophy, but is actually a bobble head!), and he qualified for one of the biggest tournaments in America, The Ohio Tournament of Champions (if I remember correctly, their website is at http://www.ohiotoc.com). I hope he doesn't go...it would be expensive, he and Bill would miss a day of school, and we would have to spend a weekend in Columbus, and I'm not sure how that would work out with my work since I work every Sunday.
I will have to hunt for the weird trophy tomorrow. I will have to wait until Friday to see my son and ask him about his impressions, unless there is a snowday this week with the incoming snowstorms...

I KNOW I have no grounds for complaint, with so many couples having their significant others in Iraq or Afganistan these days, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to actually see and speak to and touch your husband
on a daily basis...other than when one or the other is asleep...and only talking for a few minutes here and there on the phone...we haven't had regular time together in over fifteen years...and our days off are even different, when he even takes days off...sometimes in the fall he can go 60 days or more without a single one...
What would it be like to have a sweetheart, someone you can talk to and laugh with and TOUCH? Someone that you actually matter to?

 

Well, back to work tonight...
Steven and Dan are in Ohio for (what else ; ) ) a wrestling tournament today, so I get a day with my big guy.
Due to injuries, he has been moved up in weight classes to fill in a hole in the roster. He can finally eat now, and is enjoying eating a great deal. I hope to take him out to lunch today before I have to go to work.
Still cold -- it is zero right now. Brrrrrr.

 

And for those of you who have asked, here is a bit about my father's death, what I had said to John last night...(feels weird quoting myself )
Quote:
On the day he died, my father was very weak, but when my sister went to visit him, he asked for a reading from the book of Matthew, and wanted to listen to some gospel music on the little CD player in his room. He then asked to see the pictures of all of his daughters and grandchildren, and smiled at them all, then went to sleep. The rehab center called her later and said he was passing, so she hurried out there, and when she came into the room he didn't say anything, but he clearly recognized her and gave her a smile, then he slipped into unconciousness and then slipped away. So he wasn't alone, which was my greatest fear for him. When he had cancer surgery a few years ago and I flew down for him, he was terrified of death. Apparently he had made peace with death and God and with himself, and was ready for it now. And the last act of his life was to smile.
The little town where he died was beautiful. It is called Westmoreland, TN, near the border with Kentucky, and in a very hilly area. It was sprinkling snow yesterday morning, and the drive there from my sister's house in Gallatin was lovely. There were rolling hills and horse farms, cliffs, creeks, and even a waterfall or two. It made me feel better to know that what he saw on his last journey would have pleased him so much, as he loved nature so.



My father was a good man, who spent his life in service of others. He was born in 1922 in the backmost hills of West Virginia, in the hollers of Panther Creek in McDowell County. His father's first wife had died, and his mother was his father's second wife. That first marriage had three sons, and the second produced eight children, of whom my father was the second oldest. When my father was still young, his father died of tuberculosis and inflammation of his brain. All of the children had to drop out of school to work odd jobs and try to support the large family. A lot of the weight of that fell on him and his oldest full brother. One of the little ones actually died of hunger during the Depression. My father always felt partially responsible for that, and often dreamed of a child crying from hunger. When World War 2 broke out, my father and his two surviving brothers and one of the half brothers all joined up, sending their paychecks home to support the family. My father served in the Army Air Force, and saw fighting in Northern Africa and Italy. When the War was over he came home to West Virginia.
The GI bill allowed him to return to school. Of all of the things in his life, he was most proud of making up grades 3-12 in one year, then being admitted to college. He graduated with honors from Concord College in Athens, West Virginia, where he met and married my mother.
He taught school in West Virginia for a few years, but he could not make a living at it down there, and always had to work a second job. So in the late 1950's he moved up to Michigan, with my mother and three older sisters. He worked at Lake Orion Public Schools until he retired in the 1980's.
My mother became mentally ill about the time I was born in the mid 1960's, and she became a very manipulative and abusive person. Since my sisters were so much older than I was, the brunt of this fell upon my father and I. Though his life was unspeakably difficult, he stayed with my mother and took care of her, depite her abuse, paranoia, and hatred until she died two springs ago. He never blamed her, knowing that she was ill, and quietly took care of her for all of those years, always faithful and loyal to her.
He went through many things in his life. He survived the Great Depression and WW2. He survived hepatitus and cancer. He survived emotional abuse most people could not imagine, and faced it with grace and forgiveness. But he lost heart after my mother's death, and never really got over it. They had been married for over 50 years.
He was such a good man. I got my love of nature and books and music fromhim. Family was so important to him, and he loved us all so much! I know that after having to endure so much in his life that he is now at peace, and he is happy, and he is being healed from all of his trials and hurts. I will always love him, and always be proud that he was my father.