bleak Monday

The local news at noon said that the last Monday in January is the most depressing day of the year for most people in the northern US. Cold, dark, spring is still a long time away, and the holiday bills are starting to arrive. We are getting fresh snow on top of all that today.

Maybe that is part of why I am so tired, even though I just had my weekend off.

I think the biggest part of being so tired today is spending the day in Chelsea on Saturday to see Steven wrestle in his first tournament since he had his ribcage injury back in December.

While I will never regret spending time with or for my children, I knew there would be a physical price to be paid for going to Chelsea.

I have been paying it yesterday and today in fatigue.

ugh

Dan suggested that I start documenting how bad I feel all of the time, in case it is ever needed medically or whatever.

Sunday I felt exhausted beyond description. I got up for a couple of hours to eat breakfast, went back to bed. Slept for a while, then lay there for 45 minutes, unable to move because I was so tired. Dragged in to work that afternoon, but accomplished little while there, as I was so tired. Did talk to one of the supervisors about my options for dealing with the constant exhaustion. All of them involve medical excuses from my doctor.

Monday was my day off. So tired I was afraid to drive, for fear of getting into a car wreck. Did drive, to take my younger son to the chiropractor in Saline. Did sort of "wake up" in the car while driving a couple of times, as my mind had wandered off in a tired fog. No accidents, thank God.

Today: slept twelve hours last night. Still not feeling well. Cannot get warm. Took a shower last night before bed not for hygiene but to get warm from the hot water. Still cannot get warm today. Still have the cold I started coming down with two Fridays ago. Blowing lots of green goo out of my nose; have terrible headache. Need a nap, but cannot take one since it is a work night.

still exhausted

I am still exhausted most of the time. It has been over a year since I had to drink the radiation to kill my thyroid, and I still feel like crap most of the time, which is why I do not post very often. Not much point in continually posting that I am tired and feel bad! Not to mention that I really hate complaining and whining.

I am so exhausted most of the time I am approaching wit's end. It seems like all I have energy to do is to drag into work, with little to nothing left over for a personal life. I have to budget my bit of energy - as in OK, if I go to the library and/or grocery store, I will have nothing left to do the laundry...I do not even have the energy to do something as simple as drive up the road a few miles on a day off to watch a movie, much less anything else. My days off are spent sleeping twelve hours, getting up for a couple of hours, taking a nap, getting up for a couple more hours, then going back to bed for the night. And that sucks.

Even though Dan and the kids do a lot to help out, the house is always a mess. I do not have energy to even do simple things like go out for a walk and get some fresh air.

I hate my life right now.

And yes, I still go in for blood draws every six weeks, and they are still working on getting my synthroid levels right.

specialist visit yesterday

Well, went in to the endocrinologist yesterday. My hyperthyroidism is actually worse now (according the the blood tests) than when they gave me the radiation treatment last month. They did say this might happen, as the thyroid releases all of its stored hormones as it dies. So another six weeks without any physical activity to protect my heart. Another six weeks of propranolol. Another six weeks and then I get to go in for another round of blood work and specialist visits.

And yes, I am sort of sad. I had hoped things would be on the upswing by now.

We have had two days of heavy rain, which has melted a lot of the heavy snow cover and turned everything into a sea of mud and water. We are expecting about twelve hours of sustained 50-60MPH winds tonight. So they are expecting widespread power outages as a result, as trees are expected to fall. I am hoping beyond the power of words to describe that we manage to keep our power here at home.

killing the thyroid

On Thursday they decided that I did indeed have Grave's Disease, and decided to give me a huge drink of radioactive iodine (again mixed with disgusting luke warm Ann Arbor tap water) to destroy my thyroid. Again, it made my stomach upset, but I managed not to throw up.

The dose was large enough that I have had to stay in seclusion for a few days. Monday was the first day I had been cleared to go to work, but poor Dan had to continue to sleep on the couch until Wednesday night so as to be protected from radiation exposure. I had to use my own bathroom (thank God we have two in the house) until then as well, flushing at least twice each time I used the toilet (the two main pathways my body will get rid of the extra radiation are spit and pee) until Wednesday as well. We replaced the shower curtain and toilet seat in the one I had been using just to be on the safe side. I had been using all paper and plasticware for eating purposes, and they went into a separate trash bag from the rest of the garbage.

They say I will actually feel a lot worse for the next 2-3 weeks, as my thyroid will release all of its stored hormones as it dies and all of my symptoms will probably get worse until I go into hypothyroidism, and then will be put on artificial thyroid hormones for the rest and my life and stabilize.

I will be taking a drug called propranolol for the next 2-3 months to protect my heart from palpitations. Every time they have taken my heart rate over the past year it has been racing along at around 100 beats a minute, and they do not want that to get worse from the thyroid surge as my thyroid dies. So far the drug seems to be keeping my heart rate down in the eighties, so that is big improvement.

To make things even worse for me, this month I have too go into work on day shift for the first time in more than twenty years. Needless to say, getting up at 5:30AM is not fun, and I hate never seeing any sunlight (as the sun is not up yet when I go into work, I have no window access, and the sun goes down only about an hour after I leave work). This is probably the very worst time for the extreme shift change to happen, and i am exhausted and unhappy with life right now.

Grave's Disease?

So went back to the doctor's office today to give them my decision about stating to take drugs for anxiety (the answer was no way, by the way). Turns out that my blood lab values had come back badly for thyroid function. Their initial diagnosis is hyperthyroidism (to be specific Grave's Disease), and they pulled more blood to retest the values. So on Friday I will call and find out if the bad values were confirmed by the second blood test and if the regular doctor will be doing anything or if they will be punting me directly to a specialist in endocrinology.

Now hyperthyroidism causes symptoms that mimic extreme stress - mood swings, racing heart, the works.

Combine that with a lot of actual stress from work, and no wonder I have been such a stressed out mess.